In honor of the blog reaching over 1,000 views, I’m expanding the scope of the blog beyond dating. Hopefully you’ll see even more content to interest you!
I just finished reading the novel, The Oriental Wife, by Evelyn Toynton, and found it remarkable.
The book focuses not on morality but on experience, much like the way we relay stories about our childhood. Louisa’s time spent in London is occupied with being accepted and loved, rather than with the worrying fact that her father is sending a few valuables to her hidden in packages, signaling a curtailing of liberties. What we tell others and understand about ourselves is based on how we have experienced our lives, which is entirely subjective and at times, bears no relation to events of significance to others. We may attempt to contextualize written history, but history rarely trumps our varied, individual experiences.
At a micro-level, people suffering in unhappy relationships face the same types of challenges: emotional isolation, self-doubt, uncertainty, pain, or feeling trapped. Rolf willfully puts on blinders to hide from his fears and his sense of helplessness in the face of Louisa’s affliction, blinders in the form of analytical work, refugee assistance, committee work. It is easier for him to put effort into the mechanics of obtaining exit visas for other German Jews than to display emotional weakness, so that he distances himself physically and emotionally from his wife. While this protects him at a day-to-day level, his choices oppress those closest to him and have devastating long-term consequences.Toynton shows how “goodness” is a moving target, especially under extreme pressures and when the rules shift. It would be reassuring to know that one could maintain one’s capacity to love, and be wise enough to know what to do when tested by the unimaginable — but there is no guarantee of success.
I highly recommend this thought-provoking and poignant book!