Long-term relationship

Reasons People Drown in Chronic Stress

Today, I heard a repeat of a 2011 segment on the NPR show, Here and Now, called “What You Don’t Know About Drowning.” Francisco Pia, who used to lifeguard at Orchard Park in Western New York, observed that the popular conception of someone in the throes of drowning is the opposite of what real...

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Time Management or Values Management?

My clients are some of the most well-educated, accomplished, and interesting people out there. They know about self-discipline, hard work, and staying focused. In fact, they’ve been doing it through their youth, in school, and in their work. They’ve succeeded in their businesses or in th...

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Trust Begets Trust

When I started in my career (and earlier on in my personal life,) I did not give trust willingly or easily. I felt that others had to earn my trust, and until they deserved it, I wasn’t going to give it. While this worked fine in general back then, it did require that I be […]

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Get to Re-Know You

Happy spring, everyone! Here is something to stir you and your partner up and get out of the winter doldrums: Talk about what may be hidden in your memory bank about shared experiences, what you’ve been thinking about but haven’t said to each other, and even what you haven’t given ...

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The Economist on Online Dating Efficacy

According to a new paper from Northwestern University as discussed in The Economist’s article, “The Modern Matchmakers,” a couple of things that I’ve theorized are now backed up by research: The volume of online and speed dating can make people focus too much on physical att...

 / 2 Comments  / in Dating, Long-term relationship

Reciprocity of a (Seesaw) Relationship

In thinking about how friction is handled within a relationship, I came up with the seesaw (or teeter-totter) analogy, but one where the fulcrum supporting the seats can move up or down, and the seesaw platform can also move 360 degrees. If you could imagine two people in a relationship, either at t...

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It’s You I Want, Not Your Persona

When I arrived at college, I was tough. Not nearly as tough as Lisbeth Salander, but tough nonetheless.  Being in a vulnerable position economically, class-wise, racially, and sexually as a young person either withers one or makes one develop a hard exterior.  It’s easy to maintain that hard...

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Choosing to Be Happy Together

There’s nothing like having a near-death experience to quickly clear up whatever may be fogging up your lens. Ric Elias spoke at the 2011 TED conference about how, when his passenger plane came down for a crash-landing on the Hudson River, he suddenly realized that he’d wasted too much ...

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Let’s Tease Apart “Confidence”

When asked to describe what qualities would attract them to someone, most people list “being confident” as a must-have. While this quality is popular, it means different things to different people, so I looked up the definition.  They include: Dictionary.com:  Feeling or showing confi...

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What’s Your Attachment Style?

In my life coaching class, the trainer pointed us to an online self-assessment site administered by UPenn’s Dr. Martin Seligman, who heads their Positive Psychology Center. There is one test that may be useful in your dating life because it gives an easy-to-understand result along with a short...

 / 1 Comments  / in Dating, Long-term relationship