Author Archives Selena

Let’s Tease Apart “Confidence”

When asked to describe what qualities would attract them to someone, most people list “being confident” as a must-have. While this quality is popular, it means different things to different people, so I looked up the definition.  They include: Dictionary.com:  Feeling or showing confi...

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What’s Your Attachment Style?

In my life coaching class, the trainer pointed us to an online self-assessment site administered by UPenn’s Dr. Martin Seligman, who heads their Positive Psychology Center. There is one test that may be useful in your dating life because it gives an easy-to-understand result along with a short...

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From dating to the magical 5:1 ratio

I received thumbs up on Post #10 from readers (male and female alike) who are currently in happy relationships — thanks for letting me know!  It seems that they view creating and maintaining their relationships an active, improvisational art, and they reap the rewards in overwhelmingly positi...

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Which chemistry is the right chemistry?

Having read a number of books written by single authors sharing their experiences playing the dating field (and who continue on in their single state at the end of the books, incidentally), I find that they all have difficulty determining the type of chemistry to prioritize. They generally give the ...

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Consider the quiet ones for a change

We visited friends this past week in the North Country–we’ll call the place Crystal Lake–where the cell signal is so weak you might as well shut the phone off. While enjoying the meditative state that inevitably sets in, I was drawn to the many parallels between this jewel of a pla...

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How to get to know a stranger quickly

A couple of days ago, I had a really interesting discussion with Alma about the challenges of getting to know people in the academic classroom setting, when it’s the only place where you have contact. I think a couple of the points from our discussion are applicable to the dating scene, especi...

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The difficulty of getting beyond the superficial stuff

I remember receiving the printed “face book” the first day I arrived at college. This was before the Internet was popularized, when the equivalent of online dating was through personal ads in newspapers. I’m sure that most of us in the class made conjectures about our classmates’ likabil...

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Happy Couple = Highest Performing Team?

This is one of my favorite subjects, hands down.I love happy couples — they radiate good stuff to others:  good smiles, good feelings, homes that are comfortable to others, good arguments, good stories.   Some even have well-trained pets and/or raise good kids.  You want to spend time with ...

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What was it that made me fall in love?

This is a question that I can only answer on my own behalf.  Depending on who you ask, there will be a hundred different answers.  However, the answers won’t usually be just one thing, but a bundle of behaviors that tipped the balance. Here was my basic bundle: He was willing to talk...

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You have a checklist — now create your soul mate!

Thanks for all the great feedback!  It’s fun and helpful to hear what many of you have to say, and to know that I’m not talking just to myself. If you remember, back on my second post, I mentioned that almost all online dating sites require that you self-identify physical traits.  Mos...

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