Author Archives Selena

Much more fun than online dating

I was asked recently about the efficacy of online dating, and for those of you who read my blog, you already know that I have a lot of reservations about online dating. Instead, I want to suggest an alternative that cuts out a lot of neurotic behaviors and should be a lot more fun. If […]

 / 2 Comments  / in Dating, Meaningful Fun

Maurice Sendak

How he lit up my life with his stories and drawings–stark and funny and sad and defiant and passionate.  My daughter’s face in deep concentration as she studied the pages of the Nutshell Library, and three-year-old voice singing, “boiled up a pot, of chicken soup, and swallowed it...

 / No Comments  / in Creativity, Love

Get to Re-Know You

Happy spring, everyone! Here is something to stir you and your partner up and get out of the winter doldrums: Talk about what may be hidden in your memory bank about shared experiences, what you’ve been thinking about but haven’t said to each other, and even what you haven’t given ...

 / 2 Comments  / in Long-term relationship, Love

The Economist on Online Dating Efficacy

According to a new paper from Northwestern University as discussed in The Economist’s article, “The Modern Matchmakers,” a couple of things that I’ve theorized are now backed up by research: The volume of online and speed dating can make people focus too much on physical att...

 / 2 Comments  / in Dating, Long-term relationship

Where are all the interesting singles?

In this new year, I’ve begun to do something different. I’ve been going to a lot of different networking events and business meetings in which I don’t know the attendees.  I say “a lot” but it’s only one or two per week–that’s about as many as I can h...

 / No Comments  / in Creativity, Outside Comfort Zone

Reciprocity of a (Seesaw) Relationship

In thinking about how friction is handled within a relationship, I came up with the seesaw (or teeter-totter) analogy, but one where the fulcrum supporting the seats can move up or down, and the seesaw platform can also move 360 degrees. If you could imagine two people in a relationship, either at t...

 / 2 Comments  / in Long-term relationship, Love

It’s You I Want, Not Your Persona

When I arrived at college, I was tough. Not nearly as tough as Lisbeth Salander, but tough nonetheless.  Being in a vulnerable position economically, class-wise, racially, and sexually as a young person either withers one or makes one develop a hard exterior.  It’s easy to maintain that hard...

 / 2 Comments  / in Long-term relationship, Love

Choosing to Be Happy Together

There’s nothing like having a near-death experience to quickly clear up whatever may be fogging up your lens. Ric Elias spoke at the 2011 TED conference about how, when his passenger plane came down for a crash-landing on the Hudson River, he suddenly realized that he’d wasted too much ...

 / No Comments  / in Long-term relationship, Outside Comfort Zone

The Oriental Wife, some thoughts

In honor of the blog reaching over 1,000 views, I’m expanding the scope of the blog beyond dating.  Hopefully you’ll see even more content to interest you! I just finished reading the novel, The Oriental Wife, by Evelyn Toynton, and found it remarkable. A quick read, the narrative flows...

 / No Comments  / in Family history, Literature

Signs Your Date Is a Narcissist

The majority of couples that split up do so because of problems communicating, or their values and lifestyle choices were irreconcilable, leading to a lack of intimacy and estrangement.  At the risk of sounding negative or paranoid, I would like to discuss the minority of couples with a serious pro...

 / 2 Comments  / in Dating, Literature